TheDeeBoy gives us a brass tacks breakdown of texting a girl.
This is a guide for text messaging game, it’s a summary of various recent posts on the issue. I would like to give credit to all those who have contributed with posts on the forum, PM’s and text msgs, all were very helpful and much appreciated.
Since the follow up between day 1 and day 2, depends so much on which direction the initial interaction went, I have broken it down between Comfort based game and Sexually direct game. It is essential that the follow up is totally congruent with what went down during the set itself.
Between day 1 & day 2, the only job for you as a man is to make her feel good about herself. You cannot do Negs/IOD’s/Takeaways/ Freezouts etc, via text. If you make her feel uncomfortable with text, why on earth will she meet you for a day 2. You can be C&F but make sure it comes off right, remember it is text, it has its limitations and unlike phone calls it’s harder to recover from errors, so the fact that it’s a tease has to spring off immediately from the text including any emicons available.
Text is for the following objectives:
Humour her-It’s great for using call-back humour (referring back to a funny experience you shared with her) including creating new funny mental images in her mind. Validate her-with over the top compliments, which are actually not IOI’s, since it would be obvious you use it for every girl, but nonetheless makes her feel good about herself, in the same way I like it when a girl calls me “Handsome” whilst I know she says it to everyone, I still like it. Escalate-Never reply to static stuff, always be escalating. If during set it was sexual ramp it up big time, if not don’t start going all sexual via text, she’ll be scared to meet you. Frame control-Ensure your agenda is leading the text exchange. Logistics for getting together.
Don’t answer right away and give a genuine reason as to why u were “busy”. It’s all about timing it right, at the beginning give her at least as much time she took to respond to you and even more. Once a certain rhythm of text flow has been developed, then YOU should set the agenda, sometimes replying quickly, sometimes slowly – never becoming predictable. Because you ALWAYS end your texts with a simple question she can and should answer, the onus is on her all the time to come back to you! She won’t have the discipline to do that so you will be able to drop her and pick her up as you chose. Initially very fast answers=Needy, on the other hand unpredictability is great, therefore it should be introduced into the dynamic pretty fast.
Keep the line alive starting right after the day 1 all the way through, become part of her life immediately, can be done easily via small attraction spikes texts. On the other hand stop texting at a high note, get your message across and STOP, don’t tex her to death, she should always be wanting more.
If you want to just stoke the fire with a little spike, you can just fire off a spike text, but if you target is for her to answer your text, ensure one question per text, always place questions at the end of text.
Keep it short sweet and simple.
Throw in a funny snippet of “your life right now” with an emotion attached.
Be unreactive, you live in your own world, often she’ll write something and you’ll feel compelled to answer right away and this is where mistakes happen, don’t be impulsive, review before sending off, make sure you stay on message. Don’t care about her not responding, disregard and start the next day another thread.
Be very careful with “cocky funny” in text, remember you are not there smiling & kinoing her, thus letting her know it’s only a tease! It should be jumping out of the text.
Notice how she answers her texts, is it long and elaborate, keep at it. If it seems like the texts are not hitting the right spot with her, there are long time lapses or short answers, move swiftly over to phone before a negative “no” ladder is built up. Also note, for foreign girls sometimes it’s easier for them than talking over the phone, coz they have the text right there in front of them, but sometimes, if they don’t “get it” it’s better to talk, need to gauge that on a case by case basis.
It’s good to mirror the style of your correspondent. If she’s brief, be brief. If she’s chatty be chatty. But always stay one energy level above her. If she doesn’t ever use smiley’s or lol’s don’t use them. Use punctuation and “haha”!!!! If she never “x”s you only “x” when she’s been good. Choose a word she uses in her text and use it back, pick up on subtle writing styles, notice, does she use punctuations at all, is there a gap between one sentence and another or does she write like this,without any gaps at all.
Our goal is to establish the concept that “we are alike”. In fact using “we” is very powerful. Whenever we can, it’s good to use “we” instead of “you and I”. It establishes a connection in a very powerful and subtle way. “when can we get together?” says something very different to “when are you free?” it assumes that we both are participating in mutual process of “getting together”. She’s not being “asked out”.
Think of it this way, before you send a text try to put yourself in her shoes and look at your text and say is that funny? is this different? is this crazy? is this someone I definitely think can brighten up my life? if it’s a yes to any of those, send, if it’s lame don’t do it. This is an art form and being lazy with texts will get you nowhere.
There are a few things u can do, by way of IOD’s/takeaways, but this has to be only once she is quite invested in the interaction, since you can only do a takeaway if there was something there to start off with.
* Take a longer time than normal to reply and totally ignore what she said, if you don’t like her last response.
* Send her a txt that says you’re very busy and can’t meet her this week (whether or not you had offered to before or whether you are busy) and don’t propose anything else
* Drop the ‘x’ from your text (she WILL notice)
If a girl flakes me, I’ll tease her on it in a funny way. I never get angry or look genuinely upset about it. I never focus on reasoning with them logically. I also don’t give up if a girl doesn’t call back. At the same time, if they say they’ll call back I’ll just say “OK cool.” and give them the chance. But then if they don’t call back when they said they would, I’ll call back a bit later and just re-initiate the conversation as if I don’t even remember that they didn’t follow up.
If you react to her flaking with anything more than an “I didn’t even notice you flaked” reaction, than you are telling her:
A) You lack emotional maturity, since you can’t handle disappointment or changes in your rigid, structured little life. TRANSLATION: You’re about as fun as a stick in the eye.
B) You must not go through this experience of being flaked on very much or you would have figured it out by now. What, this is the first time you’ve been flaked on? Get over it. TRANSLATION: You’re a loser.
C) If you HAVE been flaked on before and STILL react this way, it tells her that insecure anger is where you react from, and she knows what THAT means about you. (I don’t need to translate this one, do I?)
After all, what kind of guy isn’t even phased by a woman flaking on him?
ANSWER: A man who has other options in his life.
What to do if she ignores my text? Check if it was clearly a question that needed to be answered, if it was very obvious, don’t rush to send another text, that would be a total DLV. Drop it, since she is not interested in investing even something minimal as a text, (mainly, if it is the first text) or move over to phone game right away (if she never picks up, it will re confirm where you are standing with her) If it was not something that clearly required an answer, you can ignore and start a new thread.
What to do if she is exchanging texts, but somehow never lets it get to a Day 2? Switch to Phone game, there is a need for more comfort and trust, afterwards try for a day 2.
Should I text to re confirm she is coming? Text assuming she is coming just tell her something about dress code, like don’t wear high heels, or you’ll be 15 min late, etc.
If you wanna change to another day, how to work it? Say so, without giving specifics, (let her wonder if it’s another girl or any other reason.) Write, I can’t do it at the designated time, what is your schedule for the rest of the week. Thus, leaving you the power to choose from the other options she gives you, as opposed to offering a date or two and letting her decide which one, keep the power to yourself. This is good when setting up any day 2, specially if you have already been rejected due to scheduling.
If it comes close to the day 2 and she has not yet confirmed 100%? Text her/call her, tell her a “genuine” thing that has come up and you working through your schedule and need a definite answer, etc.
When there is a reason to believe she will be flaking for a day 2, there are 3 options: 1, Flake on them: How about every HB that could possibly flake, flake on her instead. It’s not different than all the other push pull moves that are played out in set, where you pull out their card before they get a chance to play it. They are suppose to resist your forwarding moves, you resist for them instead. “oh we should not move so fast”. Her flake is actually her feeling the same thing, so do it for her, before she gets a chance. 2, Tex them gonna be 15 min late, please confirm to me you got this message, so I know you’ll not be hanging about waiting. If there is no reply call & tell her since she has not replied you will not be there. 3, Call with the same message, telling her you will be late, if she does not pick up, leave message saying will not come as she seems to be otherwise occupied.
What to do if she flakes just before the day 2 and offers another day? Accept or reject, accept with a hoop for her to jump through, make the hoop a DHV too combined with bringing her into your reality, your life is not only about meeting her, yeah you have this other thing planned, you can get her in there too, but on your terms. Like she says, cannot meet today, but can meet on Wednesday, you say, Wed is no problem, but I have to meet my aunt early evening, to help her prepare for this event, cooking etc, you can meet me afterward in that area, change the place or/and the time, from the previous plan.
Day 2 Texts:
Beckster’s Marshmallow Text:
Hi it was lovely to meet you last night. Shame we didn’t get longer to talk/I hope you got back safe. p.s. do you like roasted marshmallows!
So we both like marshmallows! Cool, you have some sweet tooth, hu! p.s. you like red or white wine?
Red/white wine girl eh? And champagne goes well with anything! p.s. what’s your favourite movie genre – romance, comedy or horror?
Excellent! We shall have to have a DVD, wine and marshmallows evening! p.s. I hope you are good at picking one of them, would you rather pick the wine or the DVD?
Cool! I shall trust your excellent taste! p.s. which night shall we go for – Monday or Wednesday?
Everything has an easy question to answer “p.s.” with options. Options give an illusion of choice but actually constrains her and keeps her on the ‘yes’ ladder.
Using her name is good at the start! It she’s got a nickname or can construct a good one could use that instead e.g. “such and such girl” or “Ms such and such”… but only if it’s really good.
Could also throw in a “we are so alike” at some point e.g. after wine or DVD choice.
If you can think of something genuinely witty to say following one of her answers, then responding to what she says is ok, otherwise just keep on track. I’ve tended to fuck up when I’ve added stuff, so keeping it simple is probably better. Do NOT add “cocky funny” – fight the urge! Really! Lie down until it goes away!
Every message should have a fluff bit in it, responding to her hooks, drawing her in and using humour, it’s all a bit contrived without that.
I like “which night shall we go for”… I’M not asking YOU, WE are planning something we’ve both decided WE want to do.
You might notice when it comes to the nitty gritty, she might try to lead towards meeting elsewhere. This is coz there is not enough comfort and trust built up during the set. From experience you’ll able to gauge how much trust has been built between you and if she would actually follow through, if in doubt, switch to normal day 2.
Example of a switch I did today with a 20yo girl met last night in Caf? De Paris, she was quite reserved, her best friend told me, that she has maybe only had one bf and just about lost her virginity, I knew she would not come to my place, just like that:
I wrote towards the end of the marshmallow routine: Excellent! We shall have to have a DVD, wine and marshmallows evening! p.s. I hope you are good at picking one of them, would you rather pick the wine or the DVD?
She wrote: Oh I thought it would be more of a champagne and cinema evening
What she is saying is, I wanna meet up with you, but I don’t have enough trust to come to your place, how about we meet outside somewhere. At that point I made the immediate smooth switch to a low pressure quick get together:
I wrote: Greedy girl actually I’ve got this week few dinner meetings, I sort off have to attend, I have an hour or so to spare at some point, let’s grab a drink for half an hour or so, how’s ur wk lookin?
She wrote: Actually (notice how she uses the same term as me “actually”) I’m quite busy this week (she is busy too..aha..) but for a good glass of champagne I will find an hour.
I wrote: taste 4 the finer things in life, hu? Meet me there and then.
She wrote: Awh, I thought that you also have a taste for the finer things in life…. I will be there.
AFC Adam’s Penguin Text:
Watcha cutie! You won’t believe what’s happened to me over the last 24 hours, [let’s just say it involved 3 work meetings, 5 glasses of vodka, 2 late night cab rides and a penguin]. Anyhow I’m going out a couple of times to celebrate this week, but might get a few hours spare at some point, how’s your week looking?”
Notice how I didn’t directly invite her out. Normally she will suggest a time she can meet with me, or something like, “I’m busy this week, I can’t make it, Maybe next week?” at which point you can take it from there.
However what if she responds like this “Nah, sorry I’m busy this week” You can reply with. “Ha ha ha, you wish! I wasn’t offering, if I get a few hours free I’m going to use it to chill out. I love how you were pretending to be busy though. In fact me and my mates were saying just this week people don’t tend to lead interesting lives outside of work… so what do you do that’s interesting?”
Or: Hey cutie, so random meeting you just now, are you always so friendly to strangers?” Then I add some random question at the end.
Phoenix’s Text/Phone Crossover:
Phoenix: OMG I saw this cat the other day and it really reminded me of you – hope you haven’t turned into a cat – if you don’t reply I will try to help you babe x
Reply: blah blah blah
Phoenix: so glad you are ok!!! I’m calling you now just to check that the person who changed you into a cat, isn’t texting me instead of you
Then call she will still be laughing – this is a great way to build fun – especially if you came across as fun when you met her.
Playing Hard 2 Get:
“Don’t play hard to get with a man who’s hard to get ” (and add a smiley on the end)
“Playing hard to get? That’s cute! Talk to me”
“Tried calling you but no answer, I can’t sleep at night – I cant eat – oh my heart is breaking haha… call me back punk!!!”
“hey angel, you’re adorable when you’re hard to get a hold of…call me back
‘You’re so annoying to get a hold of! It’s so cute though, you’re so confused and disorganized. It’s like you’re my bratty little sister. I don’t even think I’m attracted to you anymore, I just want to take care of you and help you get organized like a big brother.’
OMG you’ve been kidnapped! Tell them I’ll pay the ransom! X”. p.s have they been feeding you properly? I’ll bring chocolate! Plain or milk?
“We are soo getting divorced, call the lawyers, cite ”Irreconcilable differences”, I want the cat back.”
The super alpha response to a flake, ohh something terrible must have happened, I hope all is ok with you and your family.
Last Resort: Acknowledging that she is ignoring you, might be not always be such a good idea, if you don’t mention it, it didn’t happen and you can start a fresh thread all together but if nothing else works, try these:
“wow the silent treatment, haven’t had that in year or are u out of credit?”
“OMG, you’ve disappeared! I’ve offended you, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to! X” it should include a p.s. with a question – which might be “which is sexier chocolate or strawberries and cream?” or anything upbeat.
OMG – You’ve disappeared! Have I offended you? I do hope not X
“I guess I should take the hint. Seems a shame though as I actually really liked you (compliment – past tense) and thought you were a smart, sassy, fun wee lass (WILKY but slightly patronizing).
Text Attraction Spikes:
In between setting a day 2 and the actual day 2, ensure a theme of one text per day is going back and forth, some Attraction Spikes and teasers, just to keep the link alive.
“So I though Elvis would be great theme for our wedding”
Hi, How u doing naughty/funny girl? I’m in my Jacuzzi with sum aromatic candles listening to Mozart..;-) NO, I’m not! Out wit sum mates having fun, wanted to say Hi!
“OMG I just saw a golfer walk straight into a SLIDING GLASS DOOR! It was funny till I realized that could have been me :-0 “
Follow up in text must be congruent with what happened in set.
Validation…basically a text always has to make her feel good. If it was a comfort base set, suffice with some light endearments, if it was more a sexually charged interaction, stick in lots of “hey sexy”, or “hey angeleyes” in any event have lots of smileys :-), winks , kisses “xx”.
Escalate-So for instance, in the Golfer example, (“OMG I just saw a golfer walk straight into a SLIDING GLASS DOOR! It was funny till I realized that could have been me :-0 “) she texts back “haha hope he’s alright! where were you?” our natural reaction would be to agree with the humour “haha…” answer the questions “he got up but was embarrassed, I was at a little cafe in Soho for a meeting…”and then ask out “what are you up to later, wanna grab a bite?” NO NO NO! Absolute Rubbish. MOVE ON! She replies with some crap like that, you completely ignore and ESCALATE. “What’r you up to? Come get in to my bed.” (courtesy of baby girl). Or if u want to be less sexual, you can C&F it “trying to scout out all my favourite spots are ya ;-)” Either way though, point is, don’t waste time replying to static.
Once you’re escalating and texting about corrupting each other, doing dirty things, thinking dirty thoughts, things will naturally progress to meeting up. But it will be mutual, rather than u saying “hey want to meet up for _____” – it will be more like a mutual arranging of details.
I now understand the TRUE meaning of freedom! HB-Why? I’m not wearing any underwear!
Those beautiful eyes….Those sexy lips……..The smoothest walk…..But enough about me, how are u doing?
“What’s going on in your fucked up world right now?”
“When was the last time you got a proper seeing to”
I always tell them that I am in love with them when I first meet them and that I can’t wait to father their kids.
“How much do you love me today?”
“What are we going to call our first boy?”
“What are you wearing?”
“Come and get into my bed” (they always say no, but they love it).
“I want you naked in my bed right now”
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